Tag Archives: suffering

Eighty and Oscar

Tomorrow is my father’s 80th birthday.  Happy birthday, Dad!

Sunday is Oscar® day, when the Academy Awards are presented.  Hooray for Hollywood!

The above-stated occasions may seem to most as two random calendar entries, but to me, they are inextricably linked.  For those who are unaware of my upbringing, my parents separated and divorced when I was in grade school.  While the intervening years have dulled my memory, I do recall a number of weekend matinees that my dad took us to see: “Robin Hood”, “Pete’s Dragon”, “Superman”, “Star Trek” and more.  I remember the hours in the dark at the General Cinema Theater at Westgate Mall and the Brockton East Twin Cinema.   It was in those moments that I gained a love for movies – good movies, bad movies, all movies.

In thinking about these memories, some more than four decades old, I am reminded of the love my dad had (and has) for my siblings and me, and the love I have for him.  While we spent few nights under the same roof, we spent hours together every weekend.  I remember waiting for him to pick us up (making a game of counting cars of a randomly particular color) and I cannot recall ever being disappointed when he never arrived.  We had inside jokes (ordering “pine tree floats” at MerMac’s and trying to spell the name one of his old bosses, S. Gunnar Myrbeck), ate hundreds of hamburgers and watched dozens of movies.

A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother. – Proverbs 10:1

As the years have passed and the miles have grown between us, my meetings with my dad have grew more infrequent, but my love for my dad and my love for the movies have remained.  I appreciate all those afternoons, with or without popcorn, that we shared watching the silver screen.  I think about that as I take my children to the movies, tell the same corny jokes and buy the same fast food.   I love you, Dad.

Thinking about my dad taking me to the movies all those years ago makes me wonder why I love the movies so much.  I am sure it has something to do with those deep-seated emotions of my childhood.  It also has something to do with the escape the darkened theater provides: a diversion from the daily grind to exotic and fantastic places.  Mostly, I reckon, it has to do with the story – dozens of accounts of love and loss, risk and rescue, life and death.  Thank you, Dad, for giving me all that.  I carry a part of you every time I buy a ticket.  Happy Birthday!  Maybe one day soon we can catch one more movie together.

For what it is worth, after seeing most of the nominated films (there’s still time to finish the challenge), I would give the Oscars to “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri”, Gary Oldman, Frances McDormand, Allison Janney and Sam Rockwell.  Knowing my track-record, I’m due to be right.

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May I Have A Word?

As we have for the previous few years, my wife and I have endeavored to see the nine movies nominated for the Best Picture Oscar®.  With ten days remaining and only two movies yet to view, I am confident that we will complete our task.  Reflecting on the films we have already seen, a theme seems to be emerging: the power of words.  In these films, I am reminded that a well-chosen word or a turn-of-phrase at the appropriate time has the power to uplift or destroy, the force sufficient to motivate a nation or crush a spirit.

Of particular impact were the words Sheriff Bill Willoughby (portrayed by Woody Harrelson in Three Billboard Outside Ebbing, MO), British Prime Minister Winston Churchill (portrayed by Gary Oldman in The Darkest Hour and referenced in Dunkirk), and fashion designer Reynolds Woodcock (portrayed by Daniel Day-Lewis in The Phantom Thread).  Without giving away the plot, the theater-goer will be gripped by the redemptive and encouraging nature of the words contained in Willoughby’s letters, the motivating influence upon a nation to continue the struggle through Churchill’s “We Shall Fight on the Beaches” speech before Parliament, and the damaging and demoralizing destruction caused by Woodcock’s cutting comments.

Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this should not be. James 3:10

The last few weeks of movie-going have caused me to consider anew the wisdom of James and the power of the tongue.  How is that the same function can exalt or eviscerate?  How intentional am I with my words?  Have I learned the truth regarding the power of speech and the wisdom to wield that ‘sword’ beneficially?  Ultimately, am I utilizing my glossary to glorify myself or give gravitas to others?   While I would not to presume to be as loquacious as Churchill, neither do I want to be as self-absorbed as Woodcock.

Perhaps preparation is key (and a Hollywood screenwriter would help, too).  Churchill labored over his speeches, editing and reediting his message even to the final moments before delivery.  Willoughby wrote letters, which experience tells us is a slower form of communication – our thoughts race faster than our pens, allowing us to shape and shade our words as we go.  I wonder how our words might change if we gave ourselves as little as a moment to collect our thoughts.   That might be enough time to enable us to refrain from that angry retort and share something edifying instead.

Words contain an immense power – a power that could be positive or negative.  A single word (“mistake”) can destroy the fragile soul of an impressionable youth and a single word (“gift”) can develop the formidable soul of that same impressionable youth.  Words can be ugly or beautiful, can be used to build up or tear down and therefore requires our attention.  I wouldn’t let youngest juggle chainsaws, even if he told me he was confident in his ability to harness to power of the tools.  Perhaps I should have the same concern about his (and my) use of the many tools we find in the dictionary.

With careful preparation and attention, may we use our words to build up one another.

 

 

No Waiting Room

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  James 4:14

Let me start by stating that everyone in our family is happy and healthy.  That being said, I am writing this post after a member of my family spent a night in the emergency room and a day in the hospital.  Let me repeat: everyone is perfectly fine and nothing has changed, except for one thing – my perspective.  No one begins their day planning to endure a car accident (not what happened) or a falling anvil (also not what happened) or a series of chest pains (well, there it is).  But this post is not about electrocardiograms or blood enzyme tests; this post is about me and my futile desire to preserve this mortal frame.

All this has got me thinking.  Make no mistake, I would be grateful to enter The Guinness Book of World Records by replacing Jeanne Louise Calment and becoming the longest living human (she died at 122).   I would like to see my children’s weddings and my grandchildren’s graduations.  I would like to see the Grand Canyon and the mighty redwoods.  My brain repeats the same refrain: “I still have time.”  But if this week is any indication of the realities of earthly existence, I cannot put off until tomorrow what I can do today since tomorrow is not guaranteed.

I am now left reflecting on how I spend my life (or waste it).  I work on my ‘day off’ and allow my vacation days to remain unspent.  I watch TV when I could have conversations.  When I do have conversations, my words are a lot like the last ten minutes of the late-night news (weather and sports).  I spend more time pursuing recreation and not enough time pursuing relationships.  I am stingy with my words of encouragement, my offerings of forgiveness and my displays of affection.  And now I worry that what I am saving for tomorrow I will not get a chance to spend.

“I will deal with that later.”  I will call later.”  “I will see you later.”   “I will take a break later.”  Later.  What is it about that word and the power it contains?  We all can agree that putting off making a payment or scheduling an appointment does not magically make the discomfort go away.  We all suffer regret for forgetting to make that call or neglecting to put down that project.  Even when spoken with the best of intentions, in many cases ‘later’ means ‘never’.

After the ‘health scare’ earlier this week, I am grateful for the gift of a few more tomorrows.  Yet, there is a nagging truth resonating deep within me that the gift of tomorrow is not guaranteed and that all we have is today.  This means that a must not delay the decisions or withhold the hugs that are meant for today.   I appreciate the reminder that there are some things that cannot wait until tomorrow, for that may never come.

Fasten Your Seatbelts

Members of my family recently had occasion to fly ‘home’.  Whenever anyone travels the friendly skies, others will invariably ask, “Was it a good flight?” What we are typically wondering is if it was bumpy or smooth – was there the dreaded turbulence.  Patrick Smith is a commercial airline pilot, contends that the number one producer of flight anxiety in his passengers is that pesky turbulence.  We who have never attended flight school, assume the plane’s ability to remain aloft is at risk.  But in an article he wrote for Business Insider, Smith argues that from the perspective of the pilot, turbulence is often a mere blip:

For all intents and purposes, a plane cannot be flipped upside-down, thrown into a tailspin, or otherwise flung from the sky by even the mightiest gust or air pocket.  Conditions might be annoying and uncomfortable, but the plane is not going to crash.  Turbulence is an aggravating nuisance for everybody, including the crew, but it’s also, for lack of a better term, normal.  From a pilot’s perspective, it is ordinarily seen as a convenience issue, not a safety issue.  When a flight changes altitude in search of smoother conditions, this is by and large in the interest of comfort.  The pilots aren’t worried about the wings falling off; they’re trying to keep their customers relaxed and everybody’s coffee where it belongs….  In the worst of it, you probably imagine the pilots in a sweaty lather: the captain barking orders, hands tight on the wheel as the ship lists from one side to another.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

That pretty much sums up the way life is: a great majority of us are cowering in our seats, concerned about things that will never happen, while the few who know the truth carry out their duties, unaffected by the reality of their circumstance.  We fret over our kids climbing trees and our lug nuts coming loose.  We worry over lightning strikes and dog bites.  We lose sleep over the national debt and the Red Sox prospects in the playoffs.  Instead, we would rest easier if we trusted those who have the expertise to handle these matters to handle these matters.  We would be less anxious if we let the pilot fly the plane.

My heart is not proud, LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.     Psalm 131:1

My problem, and the problem of my fellow inhabitants on earth, irrespective of demography, is that we concern ourselves with matters ‘above our pay grade’.  Beyond the troubles of turbulence during our flights (or elsewhere), we regularly engage in forming opinions on matters about which we have little or no knowledge, the things that only God can fathom.  Imagine the peace we would gain when we do not concern ourselves with great matters of God – the lengths of grace, the depth of  mercy, the fullness of compassion, the vastness of forgiveness – and simply trust the one who is an expert in these things too wonderful for us.

As we travel, we will be required to endure bumps and tossing caused by the winds we encounter.  At those very moments, we need to trust the One who directs our path, the Lord Almighty.

“Them’s the Brakes”

I have always enjoyed roller coasters.  I delight in the anticipation from the slow but steady climb and the exhilaration caused by the rapid descent.  I am enthralled to no end when these experiences of undulation repeat themselves at an ever increasing rate of speed.  I like the old-fashioned wooden coasters, with their drop-bars, shimmies and creaks.  I like the newer, metal coasters with their harnesses, loops and corkscrew twists.  Unlike the carousel or teacups, the roller coaster is the highlight of my visit to the theme park.  I will try any one of them; any one, except the emotional roller coaster.  

I went on an emotional roller coaster ride on Wednesday, beginning at 8:30 in the morning, when the dealership’s service manager called with news about my car (they had been performing routine maintenance on it for about twenty-four hours).  The voice on the phone told me that the calipers had seized and needed replacing, costing an additional $530.  Feeling the pinch of the rock on one side and the hard place on the other, I agreed to the added expense.  [Down we go.]  Then I remembered that we purchased an extended warranty with the vehicle, and because we had moved about a year ago, I knew where I could find all the paperwork for the car.  [Up we go again.]  Securing the documents and reading them, I was overjoyed that calipers were covered under warranty.  [The ride was over].

But the roller coaster didn’t slow down after all.  Upon closer inspection, the warranty covered parts and labor for the first five years or 60,000 miles, whichever occurred first.  Since we purchased the car less than five years ago, the only question was the mileage, which was, when I dropped it off at the dealer, 61115.  Because of 1115 miles, we were liable for the cost we couldn’t really afford.  [And down we go again].  All I could do was wait for the work to be done and the final invoice to be calculated.  Finally, at 12:30, I received a call from the same service manager.  It turns out the technician was able to free up the calipers and springs so that they would work properly and the repairs (and the expense) were unnecessary.  [You may now safely exit the ride.]

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.   Isaiah 43:2

It doesn’t take three years in seminary to know that roller coasters are not mentioned in the Bible.  However, we can turn to the Bible to find assurances that God is with us through the ups and downs of life.   The ups and downs of my week ended, this time, on the up side.  Maybe next time we will be less fortunate.  I want to delight in all things, for God is with me, sitting right beside me throughout the waves.  To paraphrase Matt Redmond’s song “10,000 Reasons”, whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the coaster drops.

Crash Course

“[A named loved one] was just in a car accident….”  While this might not be the content of the worst possible phone call, it would certainly make the top (or the bottom) ten list.  Fortunately for all involved, there were no physical injuries when a tow truck sideswiped the car my child was driving; in fact, the car was still drivable, sort of.  The passenger side windows were smashed and the doors mangled above the hood/trunk line, but otherwise, the vehicle was intact.  We were insured and the truck driver was found to be ‘at fault’, and so, after about a month of claims estimates, adjustments and body work the car was repaired and life has returned to normal.

Yet, life has not returned to normal.  While I am truly grateful to God that the ramifications of this car accident were more or less cosmetic and that my loved one was unharmed, I am now worrying about the next time.  I am aware that accidents are part of life and that no one is immune from tragedy.  I am reminded that I cannot protect those closest to me from harm.  The events of the last month had made me painfully cognizant that bad things happen to good (and bad) people.  I have come to realize that any goodbye could be the last goodbye.

      We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.   Psalm 33:20

There are a great many things in which we can put our hope: our health, our wealth, our wits, our insurance policies, our retirement plans, our relationships, our government, or our religion.  Unfortunately, all these things will eventually fail us.  Every created thing has an expiration date, an ontological obsolescence, and will one day cease to perform their intended function.  The only thing we can trust is what is uncreated: the living God, who has chosen to reveal Himself through His written word.  Because He is outside the realm of chaos and decay that we inhabit, the Lord alone is worthy of our unrequited trust.   He can help us and protect us from the dangers of this troublesome world.

God has a resolution to my most recent source of worry: He provides a means where we need never say ‘goodbye’ to those who we love.  Simply stated, when we trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior (specifically, that He descended from heaven and became fully human, only to live a sinless life among us, die in our place and rise as victor over our sin) and our Lord (specifically, that He, in light of His sacrifice for us, has mastery over every aspect of our lives), we will live forever with God and His children.  Knowing Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and knowing my children know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, allay my fears (mostly).  I can say ‘goodbye’ and know, no matter what, it really means “see you later.”

That is the kind of peace of mind that no insurance company can provide.

Crash Landing

I had been getting error messages from my computer at work for some time.  I was able to work around them and do my job without much inconvenience…until Tuesday.  That is when I got the BSOD (the blue screen of death), which stated, “Your PC ran into a problem that it couldn’t handle, and now it needs to restart”.   This computer issue was now a serious inconvenience and an exasperating consumer of my time.  Fortunately, I was able to restart the computer (after a number of failed attempts), back up the files and reload a new CPU.  The church office is now back up and running.

The process of replacing the computer has enabled me to take stock of a few things.

First, I realize that I am a creature of habit.  I like things the way I like things.  The keyboard upon which I now type feels different (softer?) than my old one.  Some of the desktop icons I am used to seeing are now missing (but at this point in time I have no idea what they were or what they did, but more on that later).  Updated hardware sometimes facilitates updated software, and some of my familiar programs appear different.  This realization is good for me, though: some habits are unhealthy (perhaps even a cause of the BSOD) and others are time consuming.  Maybe I am better off experiencing change.

I also realize that I am an undiagnosed digital hoarder.  The office PC had more than 45,000 files stored on its hard drive, accumulated over the span of five years.  Until I began having problems with the CPU, I had kept everything – every document, picture, PDF file, sound clip and program – on the hard drive.  I ran no backups, downloaded virtually nothing to discs, deleted no software I hadn’t been using.  I kept everything, even the icons for programs I hadn’t used in years.  This realization is also good for me: my productivity and efficiency can improve if I clean up the computer occasionally.  It would be better if I ran a backup, purged the unnecessary and saved on removable media important but not urgent data.

One more thing I realize is that deterioration and drive failures are a natural part of life.  While I appreciate the power and capacity of this new computer, I am aware, as I step over the carcass of dated technology currently residing on my office floor, that this CPU, too, will pass.  I will need a new computer, a new monitor and new software at some point in the future, either to improve or replace what I am blessed to use today.  This realization is good for me to grasp as well: entropy, a gradual decline into disorder, is real and must be dealt with as we go about our lives.  I am better off knowing that nothing on earth lasts forever.

By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”   Genesis 3:19

I also realize that what is true for my electronic existence is also true for my physical existence.  I am made for proficiency and efficiency, needing this reminder to cast off the clutter and prepare for change.  One day this mortal frame will wear out; I can only hope that all I contain will be able to be accessed by those who come after me.

Who Cares?

Recently, I had the opportunity to deliver a sermon on one of my favorite Bible passages: Mark 4:35-41.  This portion of scripture recounts Jesus’ stilling of the storm.  I find this section of God’s word particularly impactful because of the question someone in the boat asks of Jesus: “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”  That is a question that each one of us has asked (or will ask) whoever we understand to be our Supreme Being when our lives are on the brink of shipwreck.  When we come to the end of ourselves, when our brains and our brawn have been exhausted, we all want to know if God will be there to deliver us from danger.

From the very beginning of their voyage, everyone in the boat knew Jesus’ command – “Let us go over to the other side.”  Their problem was that they lacked a full understanding of who was resting in the boat with them; they failed to recognize that the man who fell asleep amid the rising swells was God the Son.  They did not recognize that the one who directed the disciples to cross the sea would not lie or be denied.  They were unable to comprehend that, no matter how strong the storm (and even if the boat was sunk), they would make it through the wind and waves safe to the other side.  They were going to survive those frightening hours because God keeps His promises.  We, too, will survive the storm.

This inability to recognize Jesus as anything more than a teacher, an expert in the Law of God, is the crux of this account.  It has always fascinated me that the disciples, at least four of whom had years of nautical experience as fishermen, would wake the resting Rabbi for assistance.  Perhaps this question of concern was founded in their thought that a “man of God” was blessed by God and His prayers would avail much.   Maybe they remembered His miraculous power expressed in healing and deliverance, thinking that maybe He could act miraculously again.  The point is, someone in that boat thought that Jesus was special and wondered if He could save them.  We, too, have times when we wonder if Jesus can save us.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

Why did Jesus calm the sea?  He did not still the waves to assure safe passage; that would have happened anyway.   He did not rebuke the wind to demonstrate His power over the natural order; they already knew He could do that.  He did all this to bring peace to the hearts of twelve frightened grown men; He showed that He cared for them, not just their circumstances.  The danger in reading passages like this that it can lead us to assume that God will always tame the troubles that terrify us.  That would miss the point that Jesus came to tame our fear, not simply take them away.

We all have anxious moment when we wonder if God cares, or even know, about us.  Here is a reminder that He does.  He cares enough to weather the storms with us and still the storms within us.

The Mother Lode

This Sunday we celebrate Mother’s Day.  It is the day that we, as a society, honor the people in our lives who have sacrificed their sleep, their youth, their livelihoods and their plans to provide for us.  We all have someone in our lives worthy of celebration – a mother (or mother-figure) who has loved, comforted, taught and trained us; a person who has given us advice, assistance and correction when we needed it; and someone who was willing to give all they had to help us achieve all we are intended to be.  No human being, and therefore no mother, is perfect; they are simply closer to the ideal than the rest of us.

From last Mother’s Day to this, it has been a particularly difficult year for the three mothers in my life.  The mother I was born to has been hampered by some minor health, home and hearth concerns.  The mother I am married to has seen one child graduate college only to be rocked by an uncertain job market and unestablished credit, one child graduate High School only to live at a college 500 miles away, all while she was required to perform her functions as a mother in a downsized environment.  The mother I gained through marriage has had the toughest year: she suffered the loss of her son in December and an extended hospitalization and rehabilitation since March.  Life has not been easy for the mothers of my family.

As I witnessed how these three remarkable women coped with the challenges of life thrust upon them, it seems that I am the one who is still learning the lessons of life from these moms.  Their stalwart persistence teaches me that God provides all that we need: a few dollars or a few kind words just when we are at our wits’ end.  Their steadfast love teaches me that the difficulties of our day are diffused when we bear the burdens of someone else.  Their sincere concern for their children teaches me that love is empowered only when it is released for the betterment of another.  I am blessed by the love and care of these moms.

My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.  Proverbs 6:20

The events of the last year, and the ways that these wonderful women navigated them, reinforces in my mind the notion that we need our moms.  We also need to uplift the mothers among us.  Let me encourage you to celebrate the mothers around you.  If your mom is still living, acknowledge the integral role she has played in your life.  If all you have is memories, share one this Sunday.  Recognize the full spectrum of motherhood in your community – greet the new moms, the single moms, the empty-nested moms, the mourning moms, the expectant moms, the motherly role models, the future moms, the moms who care for others’ children and the prodigals’ moms.  It is a tough world and we can use all the love and encouragement we can get.  Praise God this weekend that He has given us great mothers.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Singing in the Rain

As I was standing out in the schoolyard, waiting for Joshua’s dismissal, I was thinking about all the umbrellas.  Did I mention it was raining?  Our relationship with umbrellas is a complex one.  We don’t think about our umbrella until we need it; we’d never search for one on a sunny day.  They break in the wind and rain, but we don’t replace them, regretting that decision the moment a bit of inclement weather arrives.  We stick them in closets or in trunks, along with the winter boots and ice scrapers, and then are unable to get our hands on them when we need them.

Some people like little, compact umbrellas that can fit in a purse or briefcase, just big enough to protect our heads from the drops (but insufficient to keep our shoes and shoulders dry).  Some people prefer the big, golf-sized umbrellas that you can use as a walking stick, sufficient to protect you and a few companions from whatever may fall from the sky.  As I waited in the schoolyard, every variety of umbrella converged: black umbrellas for the business types, rainbow-striped ones for the free spirited, pink parasols for the princesses and clear plastic domes for the utilitarian folks among us.

There were also people with no umbrella – these are the people I was wondering about.  Did they not possess an umbrella?  Did they own one at one time but lost or misplaced it?  Did they have one at home, but figured that their hood or their hat or that overhang would keep them sufficiently dry?   Did they have a bad experience with an umbrella in the past, perhaps a terrible wind or bout of hail, and swore to never trust an umbrella again?   Did they think that the weather was something they could handle and that a little bit of water never hurt anyone?

I was also wondering if people think of God in the same ways we think of umbrellas.  Are they thinking that God is good when we need Him, but unnecessary on bright and sunny days?  Do they keep God in the closet and then forget about Him?  Have they had a bad experience and blamed God for their discomfort?  Is God little more than a fashion accessory?  Well, God is not merely a cosmic or spiritual umbrella, useful only in protecting us from what may fall from the skies.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.    Isaiah 43:2

God cannot be relegated to the closet until we feel He could be useful; He is continually making His presence known.  God does not come in a myriad of sizes and colors; He is more than we can imagine and greater than we think.  God does not simply keep us dry when we find ourselves in the throes of an April shower; He can enable us to pass through floodwaters and flames.  If you want to be equipped to face the challenges of life, be sure you have an umbrella in your trunk, but make sure God is by your side.