Tag Archives: maturity

Wait. What?

Last Sunday, I spent part of my vacation visiting a church not far from home.  The fact that I went to church on vacation is not my point in this posting.  Where we went is also not my point, nor is my point the fact that it was a wonderful service.  What I felt as I sat there, on the other side of the pulpit, can be summed up in one word: distracted.  I was distracted by the worship leader’s broken guitar string (and how he was going to handle the set-back).  I was distracted by the graphics on the screen (and the exceptional quality of said images that the church projected through two large television screens).  I was distracted by those sitting next to me (my boys have nothing softer than a stage whisper) and those sitting a few rows in front of me (who were shifting in their seats randomly and consistently). 

My point is this: we all, even when we have the best of intentions, get distracted by the things that bombard our senses every Sunday.  Perhaps, like me, you hear the radiator hiss or the bench squeak.  Perhaps, like me, you see the head three rows ahead bob back and forth or the lamp on the platform flicker off and on.  Perhaps, like me, you smell the lip balm of your wife or the phantom aromas of pot-lucks past.  Perhaps, like me, you feel an odd breeze or sense your leg falling asleep.  Before you know it, like me, you are missing what the Spirit is saying.

A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume.  Luke 7:37

As I think about my distracted mind last Sunday, I think about the Pharisee who invited Jesus to his house for dinner.  In those days, eating a meal with someone was a big deal: it represented the importance of the relationship.  As Jesus and the Pharisee were discussing any number of pressing matters, a woman comes in and proceeds to wash Jesus’ feet with her tears.  The Pharisee (and apparently Luke) are fascinated by this woman, wetting His feet with her weeping, wiping them away with her hair and anointing them with perfume and kisses.  Quite the spectacle.

At some point Jesus, knowing the Pharisee’s thoughts and his distracted condition, breaks through and tells the Pharisee a parable about forgiveness.   This serves as a good reminder to all of us: Jesus knows our thoughts and how we are easily distracted, and He is willing and able to capture (and recapture) our attention to show us what we need to see.  Jesus is faithful to His adopted siblings, pulling us away from our daydreams and off our rabbit trails and redirecting our thoughts toward His counsel.  That is what I needed last Sunday, a nudge to ignore the behavior of that woman in front of me and focus (if only for a moment) on the Lord before me.

We all get distracted at times (even on Sunday mornings at 11:40 in Dorchester).  It is good to know that God not only understands, but assists us in catching what we need to hear even when we are not listening.

Photo by Sarah Noltner on Unsplash

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Seeing What Is Not There

The other morning, my mother-in-law underwent a procedure to treat her cataracts.  At ninety-one, she was hesitant to have it done (she was unwilling to endure the pain, to be anesthetized, or to have a doctor mess with her eyes).  After weeks of prayer and encouragement by a multitude of sources, she went to the surgical clinic and allowed the procedure to be done.  The surgery was a success.  Twenty-four hours later, at the follow-up appointment, two surprising developments took place: 1) she told the nurse that the experience was better than she expected, and 2) her vision test showed that her eyesight was greatly improved.

Worry is, by all appearances, a mighty adversary.  It will tell us that the costs are not worth the gains.  It will remind us of that one time, long ago, when we were mistreated and assure us it will happen again.  It will highlight the adverse effects that professionals must legally disclose and tell us that we will be the ‘one-in-a-million’ to suffer.  It will keep us up at night, make us lose our appetites and force us to pace the floor.  Few know the truth, however, that worry is a paper tiger.  Worry is only a shadow on the wall.

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”  Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

As I read these words of Jesus, I think to myself, “Maybe I can; I am pretty good at it.”  Despite my conviction that God’s word is true and that God grants perfect peace – complete contentment and wondrous well-being – to all who trust in Him, worry is a constant travelling companion of mine.  Its relentless whisper rings in my ears, causing me to fret about everything from car accidents to broken bones, from power outages to excessive costs.  I readily admit that this level of worry is not rational; it is nothing more than exhausting – of energy, of hope and or peace.

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:31-33 (NIV)

The remedy for worry is worship: to trust in the promises of our loving Heavenly Father for what we eat, what we drink and what we wear (as well as what we endure, what we await and what we hope to avoid).   Worry is silenced when we rely upon God to provide whatever we need, whether it be peace or patience or perseverance.  Worry is unmasked when we rest in God’s presence.  Worry is defeated when we occupy our thought with the goodness, kindness and love of our creator.  The paper tiger of worry is tamed by the authority of His name.

I hope that my quickly recovering mother-in-law (and I) will be able to see this truth.

Taking One for the Team

On Sunday night, the Boston Red Sox won their fourth World Series in the last fifteen years.  As I was preparing my thoughts for this post, I read my post from November 1, 2013, the last time the Red Sox won it all.  At that time, I was particularly impressed with John Lackey, who had a checkered past as a Red Sox pitcher but came up big in the playoffs, even getting the win in the Series clinching game.  He was a living example of the biblical practice of “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13).”

This time around it was another pitcher, in fact the pitcher who got the win in this year’s Series clinching game, with whom I was particularly enamored.  David Price, the highest paid player on the Red Sox, has always been an ace (an exceptional starting pitcher) in the regular season, but, entering the 2018 post-season, had amassed an 0-9 record in games he started in the playoffs.  It looked like it would be more of the same this year when Price lost to the Yankees in game 2 of the A.L. Divisional Series and received a no-decision in game 2 of the A.L. Championship Series.

Hope for the hometown team was flagging when Price was named the starter for game 5 of the ALCS.  However, as Price put it, he “figured something out while [warming up in the bullpen for a possible relief appearance in game 4], and it kind of just carried over” into his start the following day.  He was spectacular, earning his first win in the playoffs as a starter (and clinching the American League pennant).  He was then spectacular a few days later, in game 2 of the World Series, earning his second win, and then, a few days after that, winning his third consecutive start and securing the World Series for the Red Sox.

The amazing truth in all this is that David Price is in the middle of his contract (which, I remind you, is the highest in Red Sox history) and – win, lose or no-decision – would have been paid the same amount for the next 4 years.  Yet, Price pitched three times in the World Series (once as a reliever) and willingly sacrificed himself for he team.  Price literally did everything he could do to win, leaving everything he had on the field of play.  By doing this, he went from scapegoat to hero in the span of ten days.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:17

Because of David Price, I am reminded that all that I do can and should glorify God.  It is only reasonable for me to do all that I am capable of doing in building for His kingdom, expanding His gospel and expressing His love to those around me.  I am able to sacrifice more than I think so that I can accomplish more than I expect.  I thank God that our record from the past does not dictate our productivity in the future.  When we are willing to do whatever it takes, sometimes God will use that to enable us to take it all.

That Hits the (Blind)Spot

Driving in Boston can be an adventure: the streets are narrow, turn signals are for ‘the other car’ and the solid yellow lines are ignored.  I am typically the driver on family trips to the grocery store or school, with my loving wife in the front passenger seat.  As we navigate the roads around our residence, she gently reminds me on occasion of people and vehicles that are dangerously close to our car.  “Watch out for that car pulling out of the driveway,” she implores.  “Do you see that woman with the baby carriage?” she asks.  “There’s a truck on your left,” she says.

What my wife is pointing out are my blind spots.  When she says these things and asks these questions, I am quick to tell her that I am fine and that I see everything she mentions.  I am confident that I know where my blind spots are and what is contained within them.  As I write these words, I realize just how dumb they sound: am I really proposing that I can see and process the things that, by definition, I cannot see, the things to which I am blind?  What makes them blind spots is the fact that they are not seen.

We all need an extra pair of eyes, someone watching our backs, if we hope to avoid disaster.  We all need someone outside ourselves, someone with a slightly different perspective, who will tell us the hard facts that we are unable to recognize.  We all need someone who will see the trouble before it strikes and warn us (or, at least, enable us to brace for impact).  We need other people in our lives in order to avoid becoming a wreck: physically, emotionally, spiritually or relationally.   “Watch out for increased sodium levels,” they will implore.  “Do you see those red flags that your new companion is raising?”  they will ask.  “There’s a flaw in your logic,” they will say.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.  Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

In order for iron to sharpen iron, in order for the hammer and anvil to shape the blade and in order for the file to hone the edge two things are needed: fire and friction.  Solomon, in all his wisdom, understood that we need the same thing, especially in the blind spots.  We need fire; the healthiest relationships include elements of passion and purification.  We need friction; the healthiest relationships include the qualities of proximity and pressure.  In order to make it from one point in life to another without damage, we need a friend who is close enough to care and strong enough to say what needs saying.

It is my firm belief that this type of friendship is a gift from God.  He blesses us with people who will point out what is in our blind spots because they love us and want the best for us.  It is in our best interest to foster those who will bring fire and friction into our life, so that we can avoid the flames.  I thank God for my wife, my second set of eyes.  I pray you have someone similar to her with whom you can ride along.

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

Do You Follow?

I would say that I am an avid follower of the Boston Red Sox.  I watch the games (typically on television) and listen to all levels of commentary from sports radio.  I worry when the bases are loaded with Yankee base runners and cheer when the team pulls it out in the ninth.  I offer suggestions for lineups and complain about roster moves.  I use “we” and “us”, not “they” and “them”; I have been known to say such things as “we are going to the playoffs” and “the bullpen lost us the game”.   I may call myself an avid follower of the Red Sox, but I am not.  I am simply a fan.

Merriam-Webster defines a fan (actually, a fanatic) as ‘a person who is extremely enthusiastic about and devoted to some interest or activity’.  That is what I am as relates to the Red Sox.  Whatever the outcome might be of a single game or the entire season, my life and livelihood are never disrupted.  I will never get a million-dollar contract after a great year or cut after a poor one.  I need not save the date for the day I ride through Boston at a Duck Boat parade.  Alex Cora, the field manager, and Dave Dombrowski, the general manager, are never going to ask my opinion or consider my suggestions for the team.  I am not part of the “we”; I am not one of “us”.

Some of us have a similar sense of ‘following’ Christ as we do ‘following’ a sports team:  we can attend the game, or not; we can have strong opinions about how things ought to go, but they amount to nothing more than talk show fodder;  I can say that I am a part of the team, but never put on a uniform or play my position.  I do not attend the team meetings or do the conditioning work in the off-season.  Sometimes we act as if all we want is the glory based upon the sacrifice of another without having to do anything more than watch when I feel like it.  We mistake following Christ as nothing more than being a fan of God’s only begotten.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”   Matthew 16:24

So, are you a fan of Jesus or an actual follower?  Jesus had a completely different conception of “following”.  When we follow Jesus, it means a denial of self.  We must be willing and able to refuse ourselves: our opinions, preferences, schedules and feelings.  Then we are free to accept the Lord’s best for us.  When we follow Jesus, it means taking up our cross.  We must be willing to humble ourselves; certainly the cross of Jesus’ day was an instrument of death, but it was more than that – it was an instrument of dehumanization and disgrace (after all, Jesus could have simply said that we need to lay down our lives, but taking up our cross frames our acceptance of shame for His glory).  Following Jesus will cost us everything.

But we cannot simply leave things there.  Yes, there are costs to following Jesus, and they are dire and deep.  But, as Paul proclaims, the gains of following Jesus are so much greater.  We are shown forgiveness.  We are blessed with adoption.  We are given purpose and hope.  We are equipped to live abundantly.

Follow Jesus, not as a casual fan but as a member of His team.

Highly Favored

Being an introvert by nature, I tend to think out (in greater detail than may be healthy) scenarios that may of may not ever be founded in reality.  After this week’s Sunday School lesson on James 2, I have been fixated on what I might do if a celebrity came to Calvary to worship.  My mind conjured questions: What person of influence, wealth or status might grace us with their presence?  How would they be greeted?  What engagement might be biblically appropriate?  I follow the rabbit-trails of thought that make me reason that a new member of a local sports franchise might come to Calvary; Patriots players are out (they play on Sundays), as are Red Sox players (playoffs and all), so I think about Gordon Hayward, the Celtic star who once said in an interview that “[going to church has] always been a staple; something I try to do.”

So, what would I do if Gordon Hayward came to church on Sunday?  Would I do more than I would for a neighbor?  Would I offer him a special seat?  Would I ask him to offer a few words during the ‘announcements’ in the service of worship?  Would I ask for a photo or an autograph?  Would I post a quick update to social media, stating, ‘Guess who came to church this morning’?  Would I ask for tickets to the next game, purely for ministry purposes?  What would the Bible tell me is right and proper?

My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism.  James 2:1 (NIV)

The Scriptures tell us that we must not show favoritism, the practice of giving unfair preferential treatment to one person or group at the expense of another.  We must not give something better to some at the expense of others.  The words of James’ letter to the churches tells us that we give special attention to the rich by offering a good seat while demanding that the poor stand in a back corner.  So, if Gordon Hayward comes to Calvary this Sunday, I will treat him like anyone else: I will shake his hand and ask what brought him to church; I will seek his prayer requests and opportunities for praise as I extend the opportunity to everyone in attendance; and I will share with him the good news of Jesus Christ.

Instead of favoritism, we ought to show favor, the practice of showing kindness beyond what is due or usual.  We are expected to show favor to all those who come in the doors of the church.  So that if a visitor, whether wealthy and powerful or weak and poor, joins in worship at Calvary I will treat them all with kindness – I will speak with dignity, offer inclusion, express equity and advance grace.  If we offer preferential treatment to everyone, we are not showing favoritism but favor.  On that day, we will give the best seat to anyone who opens the door – saint or sinner – with the hope that grace will abound.

Do me a favor: visit us some Sunday morning and we will show you favor in return.

Common Courtesy

I am tired of it all.  I am done with being cut off in traffic when the other car entering the flow refuses to ‘zipper’ in,  with being interrupted before I can complete a sentence, with reaching the buffet table and finding empty dishes because the guy in front of me took more than appropriate, with running out of the public park because dog owners de-leash their pets – a cannot tell by its gait that she’s friendly – and with neglecting to bag her poop, with having a door close in my face because the person in front of me sneaks passed the coffee shop door as it closes (as if they are auditioning for “Mission Impossible”) and with the general absence of please and thank you by society.  Call me a curmudgeon if you’d like, but I am desperate for some common courtesy.

In today’s vernacular ‘courtesy’ is synonymous ‘free’ or ‘extra’ – courtesy calls from a service provider, courtesy vans from the auto body shop or courtesy phones found in hotel lobbies.  But its original meaning had more to do with characteristics of politeness and manners.  It is this latter definition that I miss in today’s interactions; I miss males acting as gentlemen and females acting as ladies.  At some point in my lifetime, our culture shifted and began valuing entitlement and individual rights over mutual respect and civility.  Many of the lessons I learned in elementary school – the practices of sharing, waiting one’s turn and refraining from unkind comments – are summarily ignored by a large segment of our population.

We need to be reminded of the words of Jesus:

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  Matthew 7:12

This sentence, commonly called “The Golden Rule”, is perhaps the second most familiar statement of Christ (the first being John 3:16).  God Incarnate told His followers nearly 2,000 years ago that we are to treat other people the way we want to be treated.  With a greater or lesser degree of success, we all have been wrestling with our obedience to this command since it was first uttered.  We attempt to work the angles, balancing our needs with the needs of others, often failing because we resolve the tension with faulty math: if I hold the door for one or two people, those two turn into an untold number; I then end up at the end of the line and face delays that no one should be required to face; therefore, I cannot hold the door for you.  My needs are paramount.

But when everyone makes similar computations, and I fear that this is our present reality, Jesus’ words are ignored and no one is treated they way they want to be treated.  Everyone does what they want and common courtesy is but a relic of the past, like hand-written letters and house calls.  All is not lost, however, and God’s word will never return empty: if a few of us choose courtesy and champion kindness, the culture can change over time.   Join me in following the golden rule; it might encourage other to do the same toward you.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash  

 

I Will Be Candid

Yesterday was my son David’s last 1st day of school.  I was hoping to post on social media a pair of pictures: one of his 1st day in kindergarten and one on his 1st day of 12th grade.  I thought we had digital images from 2006, but, alas, our digital camera was purchased just prior to the birth of our youngest in December of 2007.  I am sure that I have a physical photo in a presently unavailable box somewhere, but it would not be found on my laptop.  However, in the midst of the search, Jeanine and I laughed and cried over ten years of captured moments.

We began with the 1st day of school pictures of the last ten years, then moved on to birthdays and Christmas.  We saw pictures of vacations and awards ceremonies.  We clicked through church events and graduations.  Some of the images were posed and prepared, but many were candid and spontaneous.   It is the candid shots that are the most delightful.  They are the ones that represent what is real.

There were images of that holiday when everyone cried at dinner, of the birthday where the kids were fighting over cake and ice cream, and of the random day where one of the children played with the camera.  It is these stolen moments, when raw emotions like love, joy or rage are on full display.  They are genuine: small faces with squinting or swollen eyes, mouths agape or lips pursed; they are goofy and gawky, slightly blurred by motion or misfocus.  They are life.  That is what elicited our titters and tears.  The beauty of those candid photos on my computer is that they enable us to gain a glimpse of the inner self – my (and my family’s) true fragile, flawed, fool-hearty, frail and fabulous nature.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  1 Peter 3:4 (NIV)

While the above-mentioned verse relates primarily to women, the truth it contains, in context is that there is a difference between the outward appearance and the inner self.  The world celebrates the outward appearance but the Lord values to inner person.  The selfies and pictures of perfect foods and vacations on social media are a charade; they are staged and stylized.  They capture the ideal of outward appearance.  I would rather hold onto the unfading beauty of my family’s inner selves.  I want to value their gentle and quiet spirit, warts and all.

A few weeks ago, I posted about my family portrait experience.  These portraits are essential to capture a moment.  But I will hold onto those fuzzy candids of my precious children, even though the images make my children cringe, because that is how I capture and hold onto what we are.  I love those little beauties standing on porches for the past 20 years and I appreciate the technology that allows me to remember how blessed I am through all the realities of life.

The Uninvited Roommate

We have a mouse in our apartment.  At least, we hope we have a mouse in our apartment and not multiple mice living among us.  On the bright side, it is a small mouse; however, small as it may be, it still has the power to startle my wife and family at will.  It has been seen dashing under the hinges of open doors and scurrying across the floor into a gap between the dishwasher and the cabinet.  This little mouse is, more or less, a nuisance, diverting our attention from the television or from conversation when it is seen out of the corner of our eyes.  That said, this little mouse may be an indication of a larger ‘infestation’ and must be dealt with.

Metaphorically, I have a great deal of little mice in my house: they are the seemingly inconsequential things called temptations.  They distract and derail my mind if they are not properly addressed as the damaging dangers they are.  They reveal themselves during the idle times of my life since I do have instant access to those little graphic images of a prurient nature or an app on my phone that enables me to procure doughnuts at a moment’s notice.  But, unlike the pesky mus musculus that might chew through an electrical wire or contaminate your cookie supply, temptation will (if unchecked) drag you off and destroy your life.

… but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  James 1:14-15

Unlike the house mouse, which infiltrates the boundaries of our abodes and then wreaks havoc, temptation is formed within the walls of our soul through the development of a desire for immediate gratification through the things of the world.  That desire becomes an obsession, that obsession becomes a sinful act and that sinful act becomes a sinful pattern, which leads to spiritual death.  While I can tolerate the presence of a little rodent without much concern for the repercussions, it would be foolhardy to allow temptation of any type to take up residence in my heart because the consequences are so dire.

To deal with the issue, I must ask: what is the mouse trap for temptation or the rat poison for desire?  I believe the remedy to temptation has three aspects: recognize the truth about you, remember the provision of God and resist any inferior substitutes.  First, recognize the truth about you – your weaknesses, your strengths and your blind spots – so that you are aware of the dangers before they surface.  Then, remember the provision of God – the abundance of life, truth and love – and trust His will for you.  Finally, resist the innate desire to accept anything inferior – what is quicker, easier or cheaper – to God’s very best.   If we know, for example, that we are tempted to bear false witness (i.e., lie), we can resist that temptation by being aware of our inclination, remember God’s equipping us to share the truth and reject the temporary comfort through ‘gilding the lily’.

We all have things we need to deal with in order to keep our home healthy and whole … whether it be a (hu)man or a mouse.

Picture This!

On Monday, our whole family went to the local mall and sat for a family portrait.  My wife, Jeanine, had wanted us all to take a new picture for some time, but with college schedules and work schedules, there never seemed to be the time.  But thanks to Groupon© and the wonderful people at Portrait Simple©, we were able to capture the spirit of the family on film (well, whatever digital images are captured upon).  In hindsight, I am so glad we had it done, since it had been six years since our last family portrait was taken and we all have changed so much.

As we were preparing for the appointment, there was a great deal of pushback from at least one of the children.  There were questions asked about the necessity of picture-taking and the costs attributable to said picture-taking.  Why do we take pictures?  Why do we, in ever increasing measure in this age of the smart phone, seek to capture every memory and moment with pictures?  What is it that we hope to keep?  What is it that we long to preserve?  These are the things that I think about as I watch a stranger style my daughter’s hair through his fingers and adjust my son’s head to frame the perfect image.

We take pictures because we want to remember who we were.  One of the secondary joys of this photo-taking process is, as I place the new photos in their frames, that I get to take a look at all the photos of the past sandwiched in the frames.  I get the chance to see when we had one, then two, then three and now four cherubs.  I get to recall snapshots of our beautiful family.  It is pictures that enable us to think back to who we once were

We take pictures because we want to remember where we have been.  I have hundreds of digital files of vacations, holidays and birthdays, all to capture those moments.  Some are fuzzy, others are messy, but all of them reflect our life together.  It is pictures that ring back the sounds, smells and sight of special times.

We take pictures because we want to remember what we have overcome.  Our family pictures have children with broken bones and missing teeth.  We have candids taken in cruddy apartments while children are crying.  But it is what is contained in these pictures that enables us to see how far we’ve come – from awkward and gangly to radiant and strong.

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  Colossians 1:15

Pictures – photographic images – enable us to capture a moment in time, albeit a retouched and carefully selected moment in time, which serve as reference points to earlier, simpler or happier times.  They represent the ideal, not real but not false either.  They are intended to elicit emotions and trigger memories.  For this reason, we will continue to take family portraits: some years there may be more in the frame and some years there may be less, but every time they will represent who we are (or who we could be).