Tag Archives: family

Necessary Engagement

Family members disagree.  They argue.  They fight.  They feud.  I witnessed this as a middle child and as a father of four.  I could share stories of fighting with my younger brother or of my boys fighting over something or other.  Sibling rivalry is nothing new; it is as old as history itself.  The first siblings, Cain and Abel, did not get along and fought, with terrible results.  Sibling rivalry also rears its ugly head among the followers of Jesus, as is evident in the interaction between siblings Mary and Martha that is recorded in Luke 10:38-42.     

It all began with these sisters disagreeing over the proper etiquette in entertaining guests: one sister gave priority to hospitality and the other to conversation.  These two women had a difference of focus.  Martha focused on serving – Jesus was coming over for dinner and she wanted everything to come together properly.  Mary was focused on engaging with Jesus – sitting at his feet listening to everything He was saying.  Neither of these women were wrong in their attention, but not everything that holds our focus is necessary.

When our focus is fixed, it becomes difficult to see the periphery clearly.  Mary’s sole focus was Jesus and everything else was inconsequential.  Martha’s scattered focus was on many things and everything became distracting and disturbing.  I cannot recount the number of times I have been troubled with all the details: is the dinner going to be done at the right time, are their any food allergies I am unaware of, is there something I am forgetting?  If that happens on a typical Tuesday, what would I be like if the Savior of all people were to visit my home?

Mary had no such turmoil.  She was blessed with peace.  As Jesus stated,

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”   Luke 10:41–42 (ESV)

She chose the necessary, the good portion, and that enabled her to have peace.  In saying this, Jesus is not diminishing all the things that are important – service, school, socializing and more – but elevating the essential.  Time with God is necessary.  It is as essential as sleep, food, water and shelter.  These are the things we cannot function without.  We cannot survive without a relationship with Jesus, for that relationship is the source of our salvation, direction and righteousness.

This complex conversation between an aggravated sister and her Lord prompts me to ask about my own priorities and whether I am distracted and disturbed or at peace.  Do I have a lack of focus on what is necessary?  Do I have a lack of fellowship with God because I am so busy doing what is important but not essential?  Am I consumed by the worries of this world that I am in danger of fruitlessly withering?  Am I more like Martha or more like Mary?   I wish there was a verse 43 in Luke 10 which stated that later in the evening Mary did the dishes and Martha sat at the Lord’s feet.  While the scriptures are silent, I hope it to be true.  Maybe we all could be both.

Serving, like Martha did, is a wonderful gift to those around us, but it may or may not have anything to do with our relationship with God.  Building a relationship with God, like Mary did, will lead us to serve and be a blessing to those around us and a glory to God.   Focusing on the necessary will give us all we need.


Eighty and Oscar

Tomorrow is my father’s 80th birthday.  Happy birthday, Dad!

Sunday is Oscar® day, when the Academy Awards are presented.  Hooray for Hollywood!

The above-stated occasions may seem to most as two random calendar entries, but to me, they are inextricably linked.  For those who are unaware of my upbringing, my parents separated and divorced when I was in grade school.  While the intervening years have dulled my memory, I do recall a number of weekend matinees that my dad took us to see: “Robin Hood”, “Pete’s Dragon”, “Superman”, “Star Trek” and more.  I remember the hours in the dark at the General Cinema Theater at Westgate Mall and the Brockton East Twin Cinema.   It was in those moments that I gained a love for movies – good movies, bad movies, all movies.

In thinking about these memories, some more than four decades old, I am reminded of the love my dad had (and has) for my siblings and me, and the love I have for him.  While we spent few nights under the same roof, we spent hours together every weekend.  I remember waiting for him to pick us up (making a game of counting cars of a randomly particular color) and I cannot recall ever being disappointed when he never arrived.  We had inside jokes (ordering “pine tree floats” at MerMac’s and trying to spell the name one of his old bosses, S. Gunnar Myrbeck), ate hundreds of hamburgers and watched dozens of movies.

A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother. – Proverbs 10:1

As the years have passed and the miles have grown between us, my meetings with my dad have grew more infrequent, but my love for my dad and my love for the movies have remained.  I appreciate all those afternoons, with or without popcorn, that we shared watching the silver screen.  I think about that as I take my children to the movies, tell the same corny jokes and buy the same fast food.   I love you, Dad.

Thinking about my dad taking me to the movies all those years ago makes me wonder why I love the movies so much.  I am sure it has something to do with those deep-seated emotions of my childhood.  It also has something to do with the escape the darkened theater provides: a diversion from the daily grind to exotic and fantastic places.  Mostly, I reckon, it has to do with the story – dozens of accounts of love and loss, risk and rescue, life and death.  Thank you, Dad, for giving me all that.  I carry a part of you every time I buy a ticket.  Happy Birthday!  Maybe one day soon we can catch one more movie together.

For what it is worth, after seeing most of the nominated films (there’s still time to finish the challenge), I would give the Oscars to “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri”, Gary Oldman, Frances McDormand, Allison Janney and Sam Rockwell.  Knowing my track-record, I’m due to be right.

Life or Death

Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much.  It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.   There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.  Mostly dead is slightly alive.   – Miracle Max in The Princess Bride

This past Wednesday was both Valentine’s Day (a celebration of romantic love) and Ash Wednesday (an observance marked by sacrifice).  The juxtaposition of these seemingly diverse concepts got me thinking about one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride.   This 1987 film directed by Rob Reiner has everything a romantic date might want: maidens and pirates, swordfights and acts of revenge, rivalries and true love. Without giving away all the plot points of this 30-year-old cinematic gem, I will say that, with great sacrifice, love conquers all.  Love and sacrifice, the perfect combination for those celebrating the full range of experiences observed on February 14, 2018.

One of the pivotal scenes is quoted above: our hero is tortured to death and all hope is lost, unless Miracle Max, a village magician, can bring him back to life.  Needless to say, it works and Wesley, the movie’s Prince Charming, is given new life.   It works because the hero was only mostly dead, not completely dead; he was still slightly alive.  Death and life, the same combination that forms the tension found in the New Testament Scriptures.  Those who lose their lives will gain it and those who want to save their lives will lose it, or so the Good Book says.

For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.   Romans 6:6-7

In his letter to the church in Rome, Paul tells believers that we have crucified – painfully killed – our old nature to do away with our bondage to sin.  Unfortunately, many of us think that God is a bit like Miracle Max and that we can come to the God of creation in the state of “mostly dead” or “slightly alive” and think that we can be restored to wholeness.  But that is simply not true.  The prisoner with a life sentence does not receive a pardon because he is sick or because she is at death’s door.  Our sin is not fully dealt with when we “mostly” remove it from our lives.  We cannot fully enjoy our new life if we continue to hold onto a bit of our old one.  Why would we want to try?

As we prepare for Easter with a season of sacrifice, allow me to remind all those who claim Christ as Lord to consider yourself dead to sin: have nothing to do with that old life, with its passions, powers and prizes.  Consider yourself alive with new life in Him: embrace fully the pardon you have received, the gifts with which you have been graced and the peace you now enjoy.  God is not Miracle Max; He is so much more, not only able to give us our lives back from the grave, but to transform us to be our greatest self.

Tell the Truth

It all began with a conversation around the dinner table.  I had mentioned an incident of public confession at a church we had visited a few years ago.  This then led to a question from my 17-year old son: “We’re not supposed to do that; doesn’t the Bible say that the right hand shouldn’t know what the left one does?”  This then turned into a discussion about the natures of pride and humility.  There we sat, with a table full dirty dishes between us, engaging in a conversation about the revolutionary demands of following Christ.

My son was right.  The Bible does say:

But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing….   Matthew 6:3

We shouldn’t let one hand know what the other is doing.  However, the context of this verse is explicit: we do this when we give to the needy.  Jesus, as part of his Sermon on the Mount, commanded his followers to maintain no memory of the good things we do.  We must not let ourselves know what we’ve done, let alone others.  We are to practice humility when it comes to acts of good will.

My son was also mistaken.  The Bible also says:

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.  James 5:16

We should be confessing our sins to each other, in proportion to the breadth of the offense and the depth of our relationship.  James commands Christ’s followers to maintain accountability for the bad things we do, otherwise we are in danger of damaging our souls and dropping into prideful arrogance.  We need to practice humility when it comes to acts of ill will.  

All this caused my son, in resignation, to say that what we were saying was messed up.  But the fact remains that the ways of the world – celebrating our altruism publicly and covering our mistakes privately – are diametrically opposed to the ways of the Lord – admitting our mistakes publicly and allowing our acts of kindness to remain private.  All who follow Jesus cannot follow the patterns of the culture, and instead of ‘cleaners’ and ‘plausible deniability’ we must embrace confession and transparency.

This is truly a revolutionary lifestyle.  While everyone around us might tell us to take pride in our positive accomplishments, we need to remain humble.  While everyone around us might tell us not to dwell on our mistakes, we need to deal with our sin.  This requires us to rely on God’s Spirit to lead us – to trust that He sees the good that we do (even when no one else does) and will reward us and to know that He sees the bad that we do (even though no one else might) and will forgive us.

So, we who know Jesus as Lord and Savior must admit our weaknesses to someone and expect no one to know our goodness.  In a world drenched in abuse and aggression, a posture of humility like this would go a long way to addressing some of the pain.

No Waiting Room

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  James 4:14

Let me start by stating that everyone in our family is happy and healthy.  That being said, I am writing this post after a member of my family spent a night in the emergency room and a day in the hospital.  Let me repeat: everyone is perfectly fine and nothing has changed, except for one thing – my perspective.  No one begins their day planning to endure a car accident (not what happened) or a falling anvil (also not what happened) or a series of chest pains (well, there it is).  But this post is not about electrocardiograms or blood enzyme tests; this post is about me and my futile desire to preserve this mortal frame.

All this has got me thinking.  Make no mistake, I would be grateful to enter The Guinness Book of World Records by replacing Jeanne Louise Calment and becoming the longest living human (she died at 122).   I would like to see my children’s weddings and my grandchildren’s graduations.  I would like to see the Grand Canyon and the mighty redwoods.  My brain repeats the same refrain: “I still have time.”  But if this week is any indication of the realities of earthly existence, I cannot put off until tomorrow what I can do today since tomorrow is not guaranteed.

I am now left reflecting on how I spend my life (or waste it).  I work on my ‘day off’ and allow my vacation days to remain unspent.  I watch TV when I could have conversations.  When I do have conversations, my words are a lot like the last ten minutes of the late-night news (weather and sports).  I spend more time pursuing recreation and not enough time pursuing relationships.  I am stingy with my words of encouragement, my offerings of forgiveness and my displays of affection.  And now I worry that what I am saving for tomorrow I will not get a chance to spend.

“I will deal with that later.”  I will call later.”  “I will see you later.”   “I will take a break later.”  Later.  What is it about that word and the power it contains?  We all can agree that putting off making a payment or scheduling an appointment does not magically make the discomfort go away.  We all suffer regret for forgetting to make that call or neglecting to put down that project.  Even when spoken with the best of intentions, in many cases ‘later’ means ‘never’.

After the ‘health scare’ earlier this week, I am grateful for the gift of a few more tomorrows.  Yet, there is a nagging truth resonating deep within me that the gift of tomorrow is not guaranteed and that all we have is today.  This means that a must not delay the decisions or withhold the hugs that are meant for today.   I appreciate the reminder that there are some things that cannot wait until tomorrow, for that may never come.

Any Day Now

The observance of New Year’s Day (I suppose like so many other observances) is both arbitrary and random.  The fact that we record dates with January as the first month, instead of May or August, and December as the last is illogical.  There is no magical or material difference between 11:59PM on New Year’s Eve and 12:00AM on New Year’s Day.  Nothing truly changes when the ball drops in Times Square.  As my children would say, celebrating the new year on January 1 is just a ‘social construct’, and the ‘new year’ is just a structure that shapes our culture and maintains a standard for our practices. 

That being said, we do measure our days by the calendar.  We do, collectively, think about the day when one year is ending and another year is beginning.  We do make resolutions to think or eat or behave differently because the year is new.  There will be year-end reviews, year-end memorials, year-end sales and year-end parties.  I suppose that we do need to change the calendars at some time, so why not December 31st?  It is a good practice to take stock of our lives at some point and say, “Out with the old, in with the new”; it is a good time to make resolutions.

On the subject of resolutions, these were the top 10 of 2017, according to Harper’s Bazaar:

  1. Diet, exercise and weight loss.
  2. Read more.
  3. Learn something new.
  4. Save money.
  5. Be nicer, kinder and more patient.
  6. Get a new job.
  7. Volunteer and donate more to charity.
  8. Drink less alcohol.
  9. Get more sleep and relax more.
  10. Make new friends and be a better friend.

I could certainly benefit from some, if not most, of these.  I have scrutinized this list and begun to formulate a plan to live a healthier, fuller and richer life.  I will, however, likely give up when my birthday comes around (which is in a little less than three weeks).  This is all because New Year’s Day is not as magical or mystical as we think.  What I need is January 2nd resolutions, January 3rd resolutions, and every day resolutions.  I must maintain a discipline of thinking every day about living a healthier, fuller and richer life.  I also need those around me to ask about my resolutions (or commitments to discipline) regularly throughout the year.

One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike.  Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.  Romans 14:5

I am going to keep this list (excepting a few that are not pertinent to my lifestyle) near me for the next few months, as a reminder of how I want to improve my health and wellness.  I am going to resolve, as a contract between myself and my creator, to cultivate the physical, mental, social and emotional blessings He’s given me.  I am going to attempt to do this every day, not just on the special days that this type of talk is fashionable.  And I will pray with you that you reach whatever goals you and God have set for your life as well.  Happy New Year.

Stocking Stuff

As much as I try to maintain the ‘true meaning of Christmas’ (through the images I choose to reflect on Christmas cards and wrapping paper, the musical selections of carols in the midst of secular songs and our participation in Advent), one trapping of the ‘holiday’ season that I cannot seem to eliminate is the Christmas stocking.  I recognize the secular source of these socks hung over the hearth – I have seen the documentary “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, which cogently gives the history of the holiday hosiery as a means of Kris Kringle avoiding the mandates of the mean-spirited Burgermeister Meisterburger so that the children of Sombertown could receive ‘outlawed’ toys.

There is another possible origin story involving the real Saint Nicholas.  It seems that there was a once wealthy nobleman who had three daughters.  This nobleman fell upon hard times and could not afford a dowry to enable his girls to be married.  This inability to accept proposals filled the family with shame.  Nicholas heard of this man’s misfortune and, having riches from an inheritance, secretly gave the young women bags of gold, throwing them inside the house through an open window.  One of these bags made its way into a stocking.  As religious and pious as the story sounds, it is as dubious and as unlikely as the imaginative plotline of stop-motion animators Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass.

Whatever the source, stockings have always been a tradition in my family.  We are (okay, it is probably more me than anyone else) peculiar in our practice of ‘stuffing’:  the trinkets are never wrapped or labeled (everyone knows they are filled by Santa), there is always at least one toy (since that is what Santa brings from his workshop) and there is always at least one piece of fruit (it is anyone’s guess why).  The stocking is the first thing that is ‘opened’.  While it may contain small, inexpensive and ordinary items, it is an important part of our family’s Christmas.

The stocking is a sort of microcosm for the nativity.  In both, there are a number of ordinary things grouped together to make a whole that is so much greater than the parts.  There is the humility of Mary, the righteousness of Joseph and the simplicity of the shepherds.  There is a single star, a meager manger and some common cloth.  The ‘real’ gifts – gold, frankincense and myrrh – arrived days (if not weeks) later.   Yet, when combined, they amount to so much more than a simple, albeit rustic, arrival of a first-born child. It becomes the greatest gift the world has ever received.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14

My hope and prayer for you this Christmas is that you will see the glory of the one and only Son.  Whether your stockings are hung by the chimney with care (in hopes that St. Nicholas soon will be there) or you enjoy some other Christmas tradition, may the ordinary aspects of your celebration accumulate to much more than you can imagine.

Remembering the Blessed Event

Last week, I was intrigued by the following tweet:

My wife and I regularly, when their birthdays come around, share with our children the events of the day they came into the world.  The details of each birth had certain peculiarities – the smell of chocolate chip cookies, the speed (or the slowness) of the labor, the lateness of the hour, the travelling to the hospital as snow was falling at rush hour.  I remember quite a bit about those four days, but a mother’s recollection is even greater.  I can only imagine that Mary’s memory was no different and she must have recounted the birth of her first-born child on occasion.

“Dad and I had to go to Bethlehem just before you were born.  We were there with a bunch of distant relatives, mom and dad’s cousins and their children, sort of like a big family reunion.  There were so many people there!  When we got there, there were no rooms left in the inn for us, but your dad found us a small cave where some animals were kept, and we sat in there so that I could rest for a bit.  When the time came, you arrived, right in front of some goats and a cow.  You were so small, so beautiful.  We counted your little toes and your little fingers, and we were so happy that you had ten of each.

“You and I fell asleep for a bit, you in a feeding trough on some hay and me lying next to you.  Your dad handed me a scarf, the one I had been wearing on my head, and we wrapped you up in it to keep you warm.  One thing that was special about that night was that a little after you were born we had some visitors – shepherds from the fields nearby.  Daddy woke me up and the first thing I saw was the nose of one of their sheep.  They told your dad and I a wonderful thing about you: they said that angels came to them, in a blinding light, and told them that you had been born and that they could find you in that manger.  They were so happy to see you.  I think they told everyone in the entire town that you were born.

“Speaking of visitors, a little while later, while you were still itty-bitty, we were at a friend’s house when men from the east came to see you.  They brought you special gifts – frankincense, myrrh and GOLD!  You kept looking at the sparkles on the wall that the gold was making.  They also knew you were a special baby, my little king.  They told us that saw a star in the sky and spent months following it…right to you!  Just like your dad and I, they knew you were God’s greatest blessing.”

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.  Luke 2:19

Mind you, this narrative is mostly speculation.  The place (a manger in Bethlehem) and the people (shepherds and stargazers) were recorded in Scriptures.  It might have happened this way.  We cannot imagine all the things that Mary pondered, but I can imagine she shared some of it with Jesus – even though He probably knew more of the story than she did.  As you catch view of the nativity scenes that populate mantels and town greens, let your imagination soar as you, too, ponder the birth of Christ the Lord.


Happy belated Thanksgiving.  There is just something special about spending this holiday with loved ones.  One of the things that make the fourth Thursday in November Thanksgiving is tradition.  We all have traditions: some prepare a fresh turkey and others roast a frozen one (or, God forbid, a ham); some will eat white meat while others will choose dark meat; for many families, it is anathema to make anything other than cracker stuffing, oyster stuffing, bread stuffing or dressing (whether it is in the bird, in a casserole dish or by stove top); even the vegetables are traditional, with a specific assortment of corn, turnips, pearl onions, green beans, squashes or peas; we will have cornbread, rolls or breads, but never all three; desserts are equally particular, with some preferring apple, blueberry, or squash pie and others wanting pumpkin or mince – and that is just questions about the food.  Is it your tradition to play football or watch the parade before dinner or watch football or take a nap afterward?

No matter what we enjoy at the table (as well the joys of companionship before or after), there is something different about Thanksgiving and that difference is categorized by one word: abundance.  When I was growing up, I was raised by a single parent who could afford few luxuries.  We always had sufficient, but rarely had more … except on Thanksgiving.   We always had a large fresh turkey with mounds of mashed potatoes and bowls of veggies.   There were pies for dessert and ample leftovers for sandwiches later in the day.  I have vivid memories of the bounty that my mother provided on a fixed budget.

You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.  Psalm 65:11

As we think of the abundance we have experienced, it is fitting to express gratitude to God.  While our culture celebrates abundance once a year, God bounteous goodness is presence every day.  The psalmist declares that at His table our cup overflows.  One of the prophets declared that the heavens contain greater blessings than we could ever store.  In his parables, He tells of a wedding feast where there is no shortage of food.    One of Christ’s most treasured promises is that he came to us to give us a life of abundance.  One aspect of God’s divine nature is His grace, His unmerited favor, abundant and free.   And because of His abundance, we respond with gratitude.

Give thanks to God for His provisional abundance, we who live in the wealthiest region in the world.  Give thanks to God for His spiritual abundance, we who have His word as near as our smartphone and His Spirit even nearer.  Give thanks to God for His sensational abundance, we who have a richness of experiences in sound and sight rivaling any other time in history.  Give thanks to God for His informational abundance, we who are blessed with the digital super highway and the best scholars at our fingertips.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow!

My Goodness

All my life I have been encouraged to be a good boy (or a good man).  Growing up, I must have heard the command to “be good” a thousand times, whether it was just before visiting a friend’s house or the local library.  After I was particularly incorrigible as a child, I was warned that I might be dropped off at the “bad boy store” by my frustrated mother – in hindsight, I recognize the absurdity of the reality of this establishment, but at the time the notion that I could be chattel for this nefarious business worked well in keeping me on the straight and narrow.  However, I was not always a good boy.

As I grew up into manhood, I have tried to be a good man.  I think I have succeeded, to a greater of lesser degree.  However, “the bad man store” may have a new item for sale.  In my defense, the event I am about to describe occurred during the Patriots game on Sunday.  As I was watching the game (the outcome of which at the time was still in question), trouble came to our house.  As she was making sure our youngest was ready for bed, my wife hit her head – hard – on the upper bunk of the boys’ bed.  While there was no blood, there was a bump.  It least that is what I was told.  I had little compassion and provided no care.  I was not a good husband or a good father.  I was wrong, and I sincerely apologize to my wife for my lapse in judgement.   I am not always a good man.

When I became a follower of Christ, I tried to be a good Christian.  I have a long list of good and godly behaviors – with appropriate measures of church attendance, charitable giving and acts of service – but I am not a good Christian.  I am in danger of being shipped off to the “bad Christian store” because my practice of the faith is incomplete, my priority of Christ’s lordship is inconsistent and my passion for the gospel is anemic.  I continue to sin.  I continue to fail.  I do not pray as much as I should nor share my faith as frequently as I should.  I am not always a good Christian.

But who can discern their own errors?  Forgive my hidden faults.    Psalm 19:12

My problem is that I am lulled into believing that I am (overall) good.  I compare myself to others and I see myself as measuring up pretty well against the competition.  But, as the Psalm above states, I am unable to rightly evaluate my own goodness.  I need forgiveness for the things I cannot see in myself.  I need the truth of God to be my standard and not my own heightened sense of self.   In comparison to the standards of the Scriptures (which are beneficial for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness), I am, by nature, a bad boy, a bad man and a bad Christian.

But that is not how God sees me: because I have trusted Jesus as Lord and Savior, I have been justified (declared not guilty by God through His acceptance of Christ’s sacrificial satisfaction of God’s wrath) and sanctified (anointed, appointed and equipped to accomplish His will).   I am seen by God as good, and that motivates me to demonstrate this divinely imbued goodness.  It also motivates me to remember that this goodness is not from me, but from the one who redeemed me so that I might do some good.  I thank God that He enables me to be a good person, a sinner saved by His grace.