Tag Archives: family

Common Courtesy

I am tired of it all.  I am done with being cut off in traffic when the other car entering the flow refuses to ‘zipper’ in,  with being interrupted before I can complete a sentence, with reaching the buffet table and finding empty dishes because the guy in front of me took more than appropriate, with running out of the public park because dog owners de-leash their pets – a cannot tell by its gait that she’s friendly – and with neglecting to bag her poop, with having a door close in my face because the person in front of me sneaks passed the coffee shop door as it closes (as if they are auditioning for “Mission Impossible”) and with the general absence of please and thank you by society.  Call me a curmudgeon if you’d like, but I am desperate for some common courtesy.

In today’s vernacular ‘courtesy’ is synonymous ‘free’ or ‘extra’ – courtesy calls from a service provider, courtesy vans from the auto body shop or courtesy phones found in hotel lobbies.  But its original meaning had more to do with characteristics of politeness and manners.  It is this latter definition that I miss in today’s interactions; I miss males acting as gentlemen and females acting as ladies.  At some point in my lifetime, our culture shifted and began valuing entitlement and individual rights over mutual respect and civility.  Many of the lessons I learned in elementary school – the practices of sharing, waiting one’s turn and refraining from unkind comments – are summarily ignored by a large segment of our population.

We need to be reminded of the words of Jesus:

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  Matthew 7:12

This sentence, commonly called “The Golden Rule”, is perhaps the second most familiar statement of Christ (the first being John 3:16).  God Incarnate told His followers nearly 2,000 years ago that we are to treat other people the way we want to be treated.  With a greater or lesser degree of success, we all have been wrestling with our obedience to this command since it was first uttered.  We attempt to work the angles, balancing our needs with the needs of others, often failing because we resolve the tension with faulty math: if I hold the door for one or two people, those two turn into an untold number; I then end up at the end of the line and face delays that no one should be required to face; therefore, I cannot hold the door for you.  My needs are paramount.

But when everyone makes similar computations, and I fear that this is our present reality, Jesus’ words are ignored and no one is treated they way they want to be treated.  Everyone does what they want and common courtesy is but a relic of the past, like hand-written letters and house calls.  All is not lost, however, and God’s word will never return empty: if a few of us choose courtesy and champion kindness, the culture can change over time.   Join me in following the golden rule; it might encourage other to do the same toward you.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash  

 

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I Will Be Candid

Yesterday was my son David’s last 1st day of school.  I was hoping to post on social media a pair of pictures: one of his 1st day in kindergarten and one on his 1st day of 12th grade.  I thought we had digital images from 2006, but, alas, our digital camera was purchased just prior to the birth of our youngest in December of 2007.  I am sure that I have a physical photo in a presently unavailable box somewhere, but it would not be found on my laptop.  However, in the midst of the search, Jeanine and I laughed and cried over ten years of captured moments.

We began with the 1st day of school pictures of the last ten years, then moved on to birthdays and Christmas.  We saw pictures of vacations and awards ceremonies.  We clicked through church events and graduations.  Some of the images were posed and prepared, but many were candid and spontaneous.   It is the candid shots that are the most delightful.  They are the ones that represent what is real.

There were images of that holiday when everyone cried at dinner, of the birthday where the kids were fighting over cake and ice cream, and of the random day where one of the children played with the camera.  It is these stolen moments, when raw emotions like love, joy or rage are on full display.  They are genuine: small faces with squinting or swollen eyes, mouths agape or lips pursed; they are goofy and gawky, slightly blurred by motion or misfocus.  They are life.  That is what elicited our titters and tears.  The beauty of those candid photos on my computer is that they enable us to gain a glimpse of the inner self – my (and my family’s) true fragile, flawed, fool-hearty, frail and fabulous nature.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  1 Peter 3:4 (NIV)

While the above-mentioned verse relates primarily to women, the truth it contains, in context is that there is a difference between the outward appearance and the inner self.  The world celebrates the outward appearance but the Lord values to inner person.  The selfies and pictures of perfect foods and vacations on social media are a charade; they are staged and stylized.  They capture the ideal of outward appearance.  I would rather hold onto the unfading beauty of my family’s inner selves.  I want to value their gentle and quiet spirit, warts and all.

A few weeks ago, I posted about my family portrait experience.  These portraits are essential to capture a moment.  But I will hold onto those fuzzy candids of my precious children, even though the images make my children cringe, because that is how I capture and hold onto what we are.  I love those little beauties standing on porches for the past 20 years and I appreciate the technology that allows me to remember how blessed I am through all the realities of life.

What We Are

We had an interesting visitor to the church the other day: a location scout.  It seems that there are plans for a major motion picture to film in Boston this fall and they were looking for a church to shoot a scene.  The scout told me they were looking for a place to film a sparsely attended funeral and she came by to take a few pictures of our sanctuary.  In the ten minutes that the location scout was taking her shots of the building, my thoughts went on a flight of fancy: what if our church was selected and we had Hollywood heavyweights filling our pews; what if our sanctuary made it into a movie; what if it were nominated for an Academy Award?

Whether or not we are chosen as a location for this movie, our church will not be captured on film.  The truth is that the church is not the building.  The building is a beautiful composition of plaster, wood, metal, asphalt and glass.  The church, on the other hand, is an even more glorious composition of personalities, abilities, experiences and passions.  The building is a specific place, but the church is a specific people.  While the building, with its carpeting and lighting, might be viewed on the big screen, our church, with its emotions and affections, cannot be experienced as entertainment.

Give my greetings to the brothers and sisters at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house.  Colossians 4:15

The above-referenced passage reveals an important truth found in numerous other passages in Scripture: there is a distinction between the church and the place where it meets (in this case “in her house”).  The early believers did not ‘go to church’ but went to a place to be with the church, to gather with sisters and brothers of faith to worship, to pray, to educate and to minister.  Church is not where the Bible tells us to go or what the Bible tells us to do, but who the Bible tells us to be.  The church is the family of God, the body and bride of Christ, and temple of the Holy Spirit.  So, maybe our building will be in the movies, but the church is too great to be preserved on celluloid.

For most, this weekend represents the end of summer and the beginning of autumn, the time when schools and colleges resume their classes.  It is also the time when churches resume their regular schedules and programs.  It would be a great time to think about gathering with the church and share your gifts, strengths and passions in ways that foster growth and increase His kingdom.  For most of us, that will mean going to a ‘house of worship’ – I dare not say going to ‘church’ – and getting together with the church – what the Greek calls ekklesia, “the ones called out”.  Join others as we celebrate that we are more than a special place on the map; we are the one whom God has called out of the culture of this world and brought together as a family of faith.

That cannot be contained in any camera’s lens.

The Uninvited Roommate

We have a mouse in our apartment.  At least, we hope we have a mouse in our apartment and not multiple mice living among us.  On the bright side, it is a small mouse; however, small as it may be, it still has the power to startle my wife and family at will.  It has been seen dashing under the hinges of open doors and scurrying across the floor into a gap between the dishwasher and the cabinet.  This little mouse is, more or less, a nuisance, diverting our attention from the television or from conversation when it is seen out of the corner of our eyes.  That said, this little mouse may be an indication of a larger ‘infestation’ and must be dealt with.

Metaphorically, I have a great deal of little mice in my house: they are the seemingly inconsequential things called temptations.  They distract and derail my mind if they are not properly addressed as the damaging dangers they are.  They reveal themselves during the idle times of my life since I do have instant access to those little graphic images of a prurient nature or an app on my phone that enables me to procure doughnuts at a moment’s notice.  But, unlike the pesky mus musculus that might chew through an electrical wire or contaminate your cookie supply, temptation will (if unchecked) drag you off and destroy your life.

… but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.  James 1:14-15

Unlike the house mouse, which infiltrates the boundaries of our abodes and then wreaks havoc, temptation is formed within the walls of our soul through the development of a desire for immediate gratification through the things of the world.  That desire becomes an obsession, that obsession becomes a sinful act and that sinful act becomes a sinful pattern, which leads to spiritual death.  While I can tolerate the presence of a little rodent without much concern for the repercussions, it would be foolhardy to allow temptation of any type to take up residence in my heart because the consequences are so dire.

To deal with the issue, I must ask: what is the mouse trap for temptation or the rat poison for desire?  I believe the remedy to temptation has three aspects: recognize the truth about you, remember the provision of God and resist any inferior substitutes.  First, recognize the truth about you – your weaknesses, your strengths and your blind spots – so that you are aware of the dangers before they surface.  Then, remember the provision of God – the abundance of life, truth and love – and trust His will for you.  Finally, resist the innate desire to accept anything inferior – what is quicker, easier or cheaper – to God’s very best.   If we know, for example, that we are tempted to bear false witness (i.e., lie), we can resist that temptation by being aware of our inclination, remember God’s equipping us to share the truth and reject the temporary comfort through ‘gilding the lily’.

We all have things we need to deal with in order to keep our home healthy and whole … whether it be a (hu)man or a mouse.

Picture This!

On Monday, our whole family went to the local mall and sat for a family portrait.  My wife, Jeanine, had wanted us all to take a new picture for some time, but with college schedules and work schedules, there never seemed to be the time.  But thanks to Groupon© and the wonderful people at Portrait Simple©, we were able to capture the spirit of the family on film (well, whatever digital images are captured upon).  In hindsight, I am so glad we had it done, since it had been six years since our last family portrait was taken and we all have changed so much.

As we were preparing for the appointment, there was a great deal of pushback from at least one of the children.  There were questions asked about the necessity of picture-taking and the costs attributable to said picture-taking.  Why do we take pictures?  Why do we, in ever increasing measure in this age of the smart phone, seek to capture every memory and moment with pictures?  What is it that we hope to keep?  What is it that we long to preserve?  These are the things that I think about as I watch a stranger style my daughter’s hair through his fingers and adjust my son’s head to frame the perfect image.

We take pictures because we want to remember who we were.  One of the secondary joys of this photo-taking process is, as I place the new photos in their frames, that I get to take a look at all the photos of the past sandwiched in the frames.  I get the chance to see when we had one, then two, then three and now four cherubs.  I get to recall snapshots of our beautiful family.  It is pictures that enable us to think back to who we once were

We take pictures because we want to remember where we have been.  I have hundreds of digital files of vacations, holidays and birthdays, all to capture those moments.  Some are fuzzy, others are messy, but all of them reflect our life together.  It is pictures that ring back the sounds, smells and sight of special times.

We take pictures because we want to remember what we have overcome.  Our family pictures have children with broken bones and missing teeth.  We have candids taken in cruddy apartments while children are crying.  But it is what is contained in these pictures that enables us to see how far we’ve come – from awkward and gangly to radiant and strong.

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  Colossians 1:15

Pictures – photographic images – enable us to capture a moment in time, albeit a retouched and carefully selected moment in time, which serve as reference points to earlier, simpler or happier times.  They represent the ideal, not real but not false either.  They are intended to elicit emotions and trigger memories.  For this reason, we will continue to take family portraits: some years there may be more in the frame and some years there may be less, but every time they will represent who we are (or who we could be).

What a Feeling

Earlier this week, my family went to see Disney’s latest movie, “Christopher Robin”.  It was a sweet, if somewhat simple, story of a grown man remembering the importance of family and friends.  As I watched, I was transported to my childhood, through the recollection of familiar songs and sayings of a bear and his friends, and my early adulthood, as I remembered watching on VHS these same stories with my children.  For me (and those my age), it was a trip down memory lane and into the hundred-acre wood, making me long for simpler times.

These thoughts I am having are ‘nostalgia’, which is defined as ‘a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition’.  The term comes from the Greek word nostos (home) and algia (pain): it is literally ‘home-sickness’.  Nostalgia is all about feelings: longing for the good old days or the hoping that we can make America great again.  But nostalgia (like all feelings) is not necessarily anchored in reality, for the good old days may not have been all that good for some in our society and the America of generations past may not have been as great as we recall.

Instead of embracing sentimentality based on feelings, the Bible commands us to elicit memories based on facts.  The last few weeks, at Vacation Bible School and through Sunday morning messages, I have read in the scriptures what we are commanded to remember: as the Israelites were crossing the Jordan River and entering the Promised Land they were commanded to erect a tower of 12 stones from the riverbed (an Ebenezer, a ‘stone of remembrance’) to remind future generations of the deliverance Lord had granted them; and through the letters Jesus dictated to the churches in Asia Minor they were commanded to remember the great height from which they had fallen.  They were commanded to remember the facts of God’s gracious and merciful interactions with them, not the emotions of the moment.

Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent.  Revelation 3:3

The church is commanded to remember what we have received (tangible blessings and actual gifts) and what we have heard (reliable teachings and sworn testimonies).  We are not commanded to commemorate how we felt about what we have received or heard.  In fact, an argument could be made that nostalgia emotions and feelings are man-made idols which could take the place of God if we are not careful.  Instead of worshiping the God who has revealed Himself in the life, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus, we are tempted to offer our sacrifices to the gods of happiness and comfort.   Unfortunately, those who choose feelings over facts end up with nothing.

It is good to remember what has happened in the past – what God has done and said – but it might not be best to wish we went back.  May the source of our joy in the present be what is real and not simply what we feel.

A Small But Significant “Splash”

Today is the final day of my annual week of craziness and sleep deprivation, otherwise known as VBS week.  This year we went to “Splash Canyon” and heard some amazing stories of God’s fulfillment of His promises: He protected Moses as he floated down the Nile in a basket; He provided the Israelites access to the promised land as they walked between heaps of water on the dry Jordan River bed; He healed Naaman by as he washed in the Jordan; He saved 276 men, including Paul, as they were shipwrecked in the Mediterranean; and He established our salvation as Jesus was baptized in the Jordan.  While I am exhausted due to the activity, I feel blessed by God that I could be a part of it all.

Every year that I direct a Vacation Bible School program, I am humbled by the responsibility that parent’s place in us.  They allow their most precious treasures, their children, to participate with our church in hearing Bible stories, playing games, making crafts, eating snacks, singing songs and picking out handfuls of candy each day.  They trust us with their child’s physical well being, moral character development, spiritual formation and social interaction.   With so many other options available to families (summer camps, sports  programs, community center day programs or other Vacation Bible Schools), I am grateful for the parent’s that chose to join us for “Splash Canyon”.

According to Lifeway Kids , in 2016, more than 2.5 million children attended VBS (with over 70,000 making a profession of faith) and $6.5 million was raised for missionary causes.  That is quite an impact for about 30 hours of ministry.  While our church’s impact is quite a bit smaller, it must not be dismissed as insignificant.  I wonder what God might do through the seeds that have been planted this week.  Are we, through these five days of fun activities, building up the elders, pastors and missionaries of the mid-twenty first century?  Are we, through playing duck-duck-goose and making necklaces with pony beads and remembrance stones, creating lasting memories of God’s goodness which will serve as anchors for these kids when the storms of life hit?  I would like to think the answer is, “Yes”.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.  And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.  1 Corinthians 2:20

I want to thank everyone who enabled us to conduct this year’s Vacation Bible School, who volunteered their time and resources to glorify God and bless the lives of more than two dozen children.  I also want to thank all those who are praying for the children who attended.   It was a great week and, God willing, just the beginning of something great in the lives of all who participated.

The Melting Pot

There is a place in my neighborhood that is a microcosm of my neighborhood.  As the noontime hour approaches, you can see every demographic:  there are police officers in uniform, fire fighters in Blue BFD T-shirts, DCR lifeguards from Malibu Beach, grandchildren dressed in Vineyard Vines pants (pegged at the ankle) visiting their grandparents, National Grid workers in safety vests, lawyers in business suits, moms with strollers, politicians and fast-food clerks.  It is there where every ethnicity and lifestyle of Dorchester is represented, and men and women of every age are present.  Where is this perfect melting pot that includes everyone, from Boston Brahmin to the denizen of the triple-deckers?  As a pastor, I would like to say that I am talking about the church, but, alas, I am not.  The place that I am talking about is the deli counter at Lamberts.  At lunchtime, the line for sandwiches includes everyone that calls Dorchester home.

Ah, Lamberts, where you can get the finest sandwich eight bucks can buy.  All you have to do is hand the meat slicer your choice of roll and a list (either verbally or in writing) of ingredients, and a few minutes later, you are handed a piece of heaven wrapped in butcher paper.   But it is in that long line leading to the counter that you can brush shoulders with literally anyone and everyone.  As I wait for my turn, I wonder if this is what heaven will be like, complete with the distinct sound of dropped ‘r’s and the obligatory ‘wicked’.

“Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.”  Colossians 3:11 (NIV)

The original design for what we call the local church, according to the apostle Paul, was that it included everyone.  No one was to be excluded based on religious, cultural, national, economic or gender (cf. Gal. 3:28).  In practice, the local gatherings of the family of God routinely miss the mark.  Why can’t the people of God be like the line at Lamberts?  Why isn’t the make-up of the ‘bride of Christ’ the same as those waiting for sandwiches?  Why isn’t the church as diverse as those frequenting the local deli?

I suppose the answer to all these questions is simple: reputation.  Lamberts has the long line for their offerings because they are known, largely through word of mouth, as a provider of excellent lunches for everyone.  What is the reputation of the church?  Justified or not, Dr. Martin Luther King was quoted as saying, “…it is appalling that the most segregated hour of Christian America is eleven o’clock on Sunday morning.”  In the fifty-eight years since those words were uttered, the church has taken great strides, but there is more to be done so that the community surrounding our houses of worship verify that the local church has changed.  I hope that one day soon the same crowd at Lamberts is present at Calvary.  All we can do is spread the word, with genuine sincerity, that all are welcome to worship the Lord.

Indicator Lights

My family and I have just returned from a road trip to our nation’s capital. Along the way we stayed with and enjoyed the company of friends and family.  The trip was not without incident however.  While we were still within Boston’s city limits, one of the car’s indicator lights illuminated: the Tire Pressure Monitoring System’s low pressure indicator.  I immediately pulled over and checked the tires and saw no flat and decided to sally forth (it was torrentially raining at the time).  That was when the ‘game’ began.  For the next eleven hours of our trip, I would repeat the following steps: fill the tire with air to 40 PSI, drive for 55 minutes, observe the TPMS indicator light go on, drive for another 15 to 30 minutes, and pull over to find another air hose.  Only once, in Connecticut, was the air hose missing at the rest area pump.  As a side note, the New Jersey service stations were the best: mechanic quality pumps, free of charge.

After some experiencing some unexpected stops and some soggy shoes, we safely arrived at our destination.  The next day, I went to a repair shop not far from where we were staying (after one last fill of the tire) and they were able repair the pin-hole breach for $20.50.  I am grateful for that little orange light on my dashboard that looks like the cross section of a flat tire with an exclamation point in the center: I told me when I was in danger of causing greater damage and needed to address my air.  It told me how far I could go and when I needed to stop.

We all could benefit from an air monitoring system.  The Greek word for air is ‘pneuma’, and it is from these Greek roots that we get words like pneumatic (air powered) and pneumonia (“sick air”).  The Greek word ‘pneuma’ is also translated in the Bible as the word for spirit.  That is truly what I wish I had: an indicator light warning me that the Spirit within me is dangerously low and in need of filling before permanent damage occurs.  The thought of my need for this SPMS (Spirit Pressure Monitoring System) came to me several times during our trip, always in hindsight.  Imagine the decisions that would be made (or not made) if we all knew that our spirit was riding low at that moment.

“Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.”  Ephesians 5:18

The context of the above quoted words of Paul point to two possibilities (both of which can be reasonably defended) – either we leak and need regular refilling to combat the challenges of the culture or we need regular reminders that we must rely upon our continual condition of being filled to combat the challenges of the culture.

Without an indicator light shining right in front of my face, I might neglect routine maintenance.  This applies to the air in my tires and the spirit in my life.  Regarding the latter, that is why the disciplines of faith are crucial: prayer, Bible reading, corporate worship.  If I maintain these practices, I will avoid a spiritual blow-out and protect myself and those around me.

Carpe Æstatem

By the time you read this, summer will have arrived for my family.  The younger boys will (finally) be done with school and our summer plans will have begun.  These plans include Calvary’s Splash Canyon Vacation Bible School, many of the Free Fun Friday events funded through The Highland Street Foundation, visits to Nantasket beach, and getting ice cream at Sully’s  on Castle Island.  We will also be taking a road trip to visit friends and family along the East Coast, spending time in Pennsylvania, Maryland and Washington DC.  Finally, our summer will be filled with late mornings, long walks, and plenty of summer fare (steamers, corn on the cob, watermelon, hamburgers, potato salad).  Sadly, before we know it, it will be September 6 and school will begin again.

Summer vacation will be just ten weeks (sixty-nine days to be exact) for children enrolled in Boston’s public school system, which includes my school-aged boys; ten weeks of unstructured play, ten weeks of daytime television, ten weeks without homework or studies.  This well might be my middle son’s last unencumbered summer vacation, as we are prayerfully anticipating his graduation from High School this time next year, and at that time he may be too old to hang out with the family.  My wife and I will have a number more summers with our youngest, but he, too, is getting older and may not want to visit the New Bedford Whaling Museum or sit in the sand with mom and dad.   I feel that we must seize this opportunity to spend this extended time together as a family before it is too late.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90:12 (NIV)

I am asking the Lord to teach me, enabling me to gain wisdom, as I number the next sixty-nine days.  I am numbering eight days of vacation: sixty-one days; five days of VBS: fifty-six days; nine other Sundays: forty-seven days.  Help me, Lord, to spend some part of these next forty-seven days together with my family.   Help me, Lord, to make a memory every day this summer with my wife and with my children; actually, help me, Lord, to do this beyond the summer – on day seventy and day eighty and day eight hundred, if God should grant it possible.

I wonder: what memory could we make today with a loved one, or what recollection can we plant for another day in our intervening hours with a friend?   Truth be told, we are not guaranteed tomorrow, let alone a whole summer vacation: all we have is now.  Some of the things I put off until another day may be lost altogether as preferences change and people mature.  Will you join me as I carpe æstatem (which is Latin for ‘seize the summer’)?   Perhaps that means consuming a pint of whole-belly clams at The Clam Box or spending the night under the stars at a state park.  Whatever it means for you, do it; don’t wait for a better day or a warmer night.  Summer memories await… carpe æstatem!